Who am I fooling when I think that my manipulations will go unnoticed? Are my true motivations for saying or acting in certain ways only known to myself? This is clearly not the case. The one Being that knows all of my intentions is God.
Now, this may tend to send me on a guilt trip, but I would rather take the high road and consider the GOOD I intend, the MERCY I try to convey, the FORGIVENESS I am working on extending . . . and more. Yes, nothing is hidden from the loving gaze of God; the God Who wants to fill my heart and entire being with LOVE.
Knowing this, I try to ask God each day to be in my thoughts, in my words and in my heart. I ask God to help me be sensitive when my motivation is not loving or Christian. I ask God to help me be honest with myself and with God too.
There is always room for improvement in my life and I want to remain open to realizing that. Instead of beating myself up for being human, at the end of the day I will try to simply review my day and begin again when I forget to live as I desire to live.
The bottom line for me: Rise again, when I fall. I am grateful that God is always with me, understands me even in my sinfulness and weakness, and is there when I begin again. What could I ever want or ask for?